We have a mantra in our family. It is proclaimed at least once a week in response to busy days. And at the end of every year, it is repeated daily (hourly?) to combat the stress of the frenzied holiday calendar.

It gives us strength. It calms us down. It puts everything in perspective. And it promotes laughter. Given its effects, I believe it to be a profound piece of wisdom. And today I want to share it with you.

The mantra is this:

It won’t be perfect, but it will be fun

My wife, who is more prone to worrying than I am, would often make big days (like birthdays and holidays) more stressful than they needed to be by trying to make them perfect. She would worry that if things weren’t perfect, it would ruin the day for the kids. She would worry that if things weren’t perfect, everyone would judge her.

All of this worrying and trying overly hard to make everything perfect would, inevitably, add stress and make the day worse. By trying to make it perfect, we made it imperfect. (Such a human thing to do.)

I pushed back, unsuccessfully, on this habit for years. Until one day, I pointed out the pattern of past behavior, the reality that nothing is ever perfect, and the observation that, despite not being perfect, our family always had a lot of fun. I finished with this statement:

It won’t be perfect, but it will be fun

That statement got through. It resonated. My wife repeated it immediately. “Today won’t be perfect, but it will be fun.” She breathed out and I could see her relax a little. (Success!)

Since that day, those nine words have been used so often that they have become a mantra in our household. I use it, my wife uses it, our kids use it…I even have it framed on the wall. And it continues to help.

The reason it helps and delivers so much value is that 1.) it is true, 2.) it is short, and 3.) it is helpful. On any given day, whether it is a kid’s soccer game, an important meeting for work, or a major event like a vacation, we can fall back on the wisdom of this mantra to relax, do our best, and enjoy whatever the day may bring. Because it doesn’t matter how hard we try, something will go wrong.

It won’t be perfect, but it will be fun

Being a parent is one of the wildest rides you can go on in life. There are ups, there are downs, there are twists, and there are turns. You can say a lot of things about being a parent, but one thing nobody ever says is that it all went according to plan.

Children are little balls of chaos. They embody all of the unpredictability of life. As a result, there has never been a perfect childhood and there has never been a perfect parent.

That reality stands in stark contrast to the messaging of our modern, internet-fueled age. There is an unhealthy obsession with perfection.

Influencers make it seem like the perfect life is possible. Photoshopped images make it seem like perfect bodies are the norm. And streamers post videos of perfect runs of video games where they beat every boss, take no damage, and get every upgrade.

But none of it is real. Perfection isn’t attainable in the real world. There is no perfect childhood. There is no perfect mom. And there is no perfect dad. But there are fun childhoods, loving moms, and reliable dads.

It won’t be perfect, but it will be fun

Life isn’t perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. As a result, being able to handle setbacks and mistakes is one of the most crucial skills to develop to become a fully functioning and thriving adult.

One of the core responsibilities of dads is to teach their children healthy coping mechanisms, modeling how to handle life when it doesn’t go according to plan. And one of the best coping mechanisms that exists is a sense of humor.

Being able to laugh when your toddler pees all over the house, or the dog gets attacked by a skunk, or you burn dinner, is not only healthy, it’s fun. It produces memories for the rest of life, it lightens the load immediately, and it teaches resilience to your kids.

This mantra is perfect for dads. We are the protectors. We are the adventurers. We are the resilient parent. As a result, we have more opportunities to display healthy coping mechanisms to our children. We are the parent who walks it off after hitting our thumb with a hammer. We are the parent who tries again when we fail to read the map and get lost. And we are the parent who tells terrible jokes and laughs at himself.

It won’t be perfect, but it will be fun

So let go of any unrealistic expectations. Let go of the anxiety. And don’t judge yourself too harshly. Instead, try to have fun.

• How can you play with your kid today?
• If you have a newborn, can you tickle her tummy to make her giggle?
• If you have a toddler, can you have a pillow fight?
• If you have young boy can you wrestle?
• If you have a big girl, can you go play basketball?
• If you have a teenager, can you go to a movie?
• If you have an adult child, can you go on a walk?

Don’t try to be perfect. Turn it into a game. Just have fun.

Now you are dadding.