Yesterday was a hard day. I was wiped from an event the day before. Work had been rough. School had been busy. My wife was swamped with a hundred little things she was planning. In short, the family was overwhelmed.

As it approached dinner time, the kids began asking what we were going to do that evening. I hesitated to say what I usually say (“go play outside”) because we were so wiped. My wife and I made eye contact and nodded…tonight was a night to use the aces we kept up our sleeves to get us through.

We announced that the kids could watch their favorite TV shows if they picked up the house. (Two birds, one stone.) The kids screamed they were so excited.

They quickly picked up the house and threw themselves on the couch. They got to watch TV, I got to cook dinner in peace, and my wife got to relax. Everybody wins.

Why it works

One of the things that made that moment so gratifying is that our kids don’t usually get screentime during the week. Video games are reserved for Sundays and cartoons are reserved for Saturday mornings.

Because the kids don’t get screen time that often, my wife and I have no qualms when we bust them out on special occasions. And, because we don’t do it every day, the kids are always thrilled when they do get a special treat.

What is an “ace up your sleeve”?

You can call them crutches, aces, dry powder, buffers, something in reserve…the list goes on but the concept is the same. You need to have some options that are held back and stored up for a rainy day. Because rainy days happen.

You can’t always be going 110% and treating every day like a special occasion. The special treats, whether they be junk food, skipping a workout, going to a restaurant, screen time, or whatever, will lose their effectiveness if you use them all the time.

That means they won’t be as useful when you need them most. (And honestly, things like going out to eat are expensive and I couldn’t afford to do them every day anyways.)

How to do it

To establish your family’s “dry powder”, you should set aside time for a talk with your wife. Below are some questions that might help drive the discussion.

• What are the treats we want to allow every day?
• What are the treats we want to save for rainy days?
• What would be best for the kids?
• What kind of family do we want to be?
• What can we reasonably handle?
• What would be a small step in the right direction?

After you have agreed, then you need to establish the new norms for the family. That may take some effort if you are changing the existing habits of the family, but it will be worth it.

Just like it takes discipline to establish the personal habit of working out every day, it also takes discipline to establish healthy daily routines for your family. It takes some effort to establish the norms upfront, but just like any habit, once they are established, your kids just assume this is the way it supposed to work.

Conclusion

I’ve already shared two big crutches that our family holds in reserve: screen time and ordering out. When we bust those out on rough days it always feels like a relief.

I’m sure there are thousands of examples of crutches that families save for rainy days. I’ve love to hear other examples from other families as well.

Regardless of what the crutch is, the point is you need to have something stored up for a rainy day. Plan ahead now and you will be grateful later.